Sample+Paragraphs_group+work+Alice

=To remind you about TEEL and inspire some thinking, these are some models of TEEL paragraphs.= The text in purple is feedback from me.

Jack, Xavier, Joel and Sevi

“Confidence”

In the beginning Alice is indecisive and lacks confidence. She’s lived her life to please others and hasn’t done anything for herself. Throughout the first half of the film, Alice has lost sight of who she really is, as Absolem points out, “ I can’t help you if you don’t know who you are, stupid girl.” The Mad Hatter too realises this and says, “You’re not the same as you were before, you were much muchier, you’ve lost your muchness.” These quote proves that at the start of the film, Alice wasn’t nearly ready for the task that she was destined to fulfil. Yet over time and a series of “tests” she gains self-confidence and is able to believe in herself. This is highlighted when Absolem says, “You’re almost Alice,” (this is also symbolised with the Cheshire Cat, as he starts off as a coward and eventually grows into a team player). These tests that gave her self-confidence include; crossing the heads, retrieving the vorpal sword, confronting the Bandersnatch and rescuing the Mad Hatter from the Red Queen’s castle. These challenges could be seen as minor quizzes that lead up to the final big exam, which is slaying the Jabberwocky. Through a series of tests, Alice has grown from an indecisive and unconfident teenager, to an independent and confident young woman.

This is a very good paragraph, with a very good topic sentence and clear examples. This relates to essay question two and could be used to show the way Alice changes and grows. The addition of symbolism in this paragraph is particularly good and shows the group had original ideas.

Annie, Eilis & Olivia Ambition

Alice uses her ambition to find freedom. Before visiting Underland, Alice lived her life trying to please others but throughout her journey Alice learnt to go her own way and become more ambitious. ‘You can’t live your life to please others. The choice must be yours. You will step out alone.’ This quote by the white queen teaches Alice to follow her dreams. This also helps Alice learn to make decisions for herself and to be more independent. ‘I love you Margaret but this is my life. I’ll decide what to do with it.’ This quote shows that Alice has learnt that the only person standing in the way of her dreams is herself and that to become her own person. By becoming a new Alice, she becomes more ambitious and expands her fathers trading business. Alice then realises that her mother is not in charge of her life and as a result of her newfound ambition she gets the chance to sail around the world. In conclusion by becoming more ambitious, Alice enabled herself to live a non-structured and free life.

Another clear paragraph. To improve, the 'big idea' needs to be explored in more detail. Explaining in what way Alice is ambitious at the start of paragraph would have made the point of the paragraph a little clearer. This paragraph relates well to question two.

Ruby April Joseen Jesse

In the film 'Alice in Wonderland' by Tim Burton, good is portrayed by colour, costume and the personalities of the characters. For example, the White Queen lives in an ivory castle surrounded by pale pink cherry blossom trees with a white court, dress and horse. The pale colours symbolise purity and good. The White Queen’s appearance is very pale, apart from her lips and eyes, which may symbolise that behind her fearless approach to life there is still a little bit of distress and darkness. “It is against my vows to harm any living creature,” she said, before swatting away a fly. This shows that she has a kind heart, but sometimes struggles to keep it together. Alice’s costumes change throughout the film depending on her size or location. At the beginning of the movie Alice wears a light blue dress, which may symbolise innocence and sadness, as she doesn’t feel like she belongs in her current life. Her costume changes regularly, and when she is with the Red Queen is a deep crimson, with bits of torn material hanging off it, making everything less uniform because she is in the realm of evil. When Alice arrives at the White Queen’s palace she wears a white- bluish Asian style pyjama suit which might represent her being more tranquil when she is with the White Queen, and accepting herself rather than stressing over things she thought she couldn’t do. “You’re almost Alice,” Absolem tells Alice the night before she goes out to slay the Jabberwocky. Alice’s costumes throughout the film gradually become more masculine, rather than little girlish, as Alice becomes more sure of herself and more confident instead of shy and scared.

There are some great ideas in here and some complex analysis of symbolism. This could be broken into two or three paragraphs to enable a more complex analysis of each point. This paragraph relates to essay question 3.

Ruby, Josh, Wahib, Jack Alice goes on a hero’s journey where she builds up the courage that helps her slay the Jabberwocky. In her world Alice is being pressured to marry Hamish, many people put pressure on Alice including her sister, Margaret who said, ‘[a]nd you don’t want to be a burden on mother, do you?’ Margaret is implying that if Alice was to be herself she would be a hassle to her mother. In the end after Alice came back from Underland she had changed having the courage to be herself and tell people what she thought, ‘I love you Margaret but this is my life. I’ll decide what to do with it.’ In saying this she has stood up for herself and her ideas which society didn’t approve of but she did it anyway showing how much she had grown.

This paragraph has used evidence well and has shown how Alice has changed. However, it has skipped the part in the middle. More detail is needed about what contributes to Alice's change is needed. This could relate to question one or two.

Cassie, Bridie and Katherine Loyalty The loyalty that Alice gains and gives throughout her journey across Underland, is what offers her the ability to slay the Jabberwocky and return power to the White Queen. As you learn to trust someone and become close to them, you may gain a sense of loyalty towards one another that cannot be broken. An example of this, is when Stayne and the Red Queen’s guards capture the Mad Hatter and against Bayard’s wishes, Alice goes to save Tarrant, “ I don't care! He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me!” This shows that she knows where her loyalties lie and that she is responsible for her actions, no matter what the consequence. When the time for the White Queen’s champion to step forward arises, Alice sees all her allies standing before her, looking towards her almost expectantly and she realises that she has a duty to perform for all these people. “Alice...you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours, because when you step out to face that creature...you will step out alone.” Alice agreeing to the challenge the White Queen presents, shows how much she cares, because she has the option not to go ahead, yet she does so of her own accord. From these close bonds, and her discovery that everything she has come across is real, Alice chooses to push aside her fears and proceeds to slay the Jabberwocky, relying on the relationships she has built. Alice in Wonderland, shows that loyalty isn’t something easily gained, but when it is, it can be used to fulfil challenges that would otherwise be very difficult or against what you’d choose.

A strong paragraph with an excellent linking sentence that sums up the message in the text. The next step for this group would be to try and integrate quotes into their writing. This paragraph relates well to question 2.

Nana, Stelio, Ryan and Harry In Alice’s quest she needed to restore power to the White Queen. She did this by defeating the Jabberwocky and having the Red Queen banished. In Underland the Red Queen stole the crown from the White Queen. Ever since there has been a rebellious few that want ‘Downal Wyth Bluddy Behg Hid’. When McTwisp brought Alice to Underland she was told of the Red Queen’s deeds and told that she has to defeat the Jabberwocky in order to reinstate the power of the White Queen. ‘Majesty, is it not better to be feared than loved?’ Stayne says this when the Red Queen This is a good start but unfinished.